This entry is dedicated to all mothers past, now and future who have breastfed, who are breastfeeding and who will one day. You have my utmost sympathies and admiration.
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| My life these days |
I thought with Gaby out of my belly, the problem I had with tossing and turning in bed to comfortably balance the weight of my heavy middle section would disappear. Well, that problem did go away, but a new problem arose -- Heavy *nehs that gravitate to the side I lie on.
One night, Gaby slept through 6 full hours. Any exhausted mother would have gladly enjoyed the same length of uninterrupted sleep. Unfortunately for me, I woke up at the third hour because my nehs were calling out to me. They were engorged -- hard and painful. And because I like sleeping on my side, that meant that either neh would be squashed against the bed in any of my favourite two positions.
Furthermore, while sleeping, Gaby expresses air in a variety of pigeon-coo to baby-dinosaur sounds that are grossly loud relative to her tiny body. Cute as they are, these sounds keep me alert for the next moment when they would grow into an unmistakable loud cry to summon the nehs.
Having been flat-chested my whole life, I never thought my two mosquitoes on a wall, as my mother would matter-of-factly call them, would be able to bulk up enough to contain sufficient to sustain life. Afterall, my Mum (where the flat-chest gene came from) did say she "couldn't" breastfeed. Of course, she did come from the era when women were pulled from the domestic realm into the work force, and formula milk was all the marketing rage and practical solution before Medela breastpumps got so popular.
Anyway, to my very pleasant surprise, my nehs are currently producing enough such that Gaby is putting on more weight per week than the average babe. At just 22 days, she put on 300g from the previous week. (The expected weekly weight gain at this stage according to the midwife is 150-200g.) Gaby's now 4.08kg.
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| Protecting Mummy's modesty |
Not to my excitement though is how these new assets have grown so heavy that even a bumpity bus ride makes it bouncingly painful wearing them.
The first day I returned from the hospital, stood in front of the mirror and gawked at the nehs in their full glory, they felt like strangers to me. New breasts, I called them. Each was turgid and symmetrically round (a neh usually has a natural sag that gives it an asymmetrical natural look) -- as if I had had some surgical enhancements made to them.
What a journey the nehs have brought Lionel and I. In the early hospital stay days, the colostrum (thick yellowish liquid high in protein, fat and antibodies that comes in the first few days after delivery) I produced was extremely scarce. So precious was it that Lionel had his face close to my neh with full concentration to collect every single drop for Gaby using a syringe. Collections were in single digit millilitres. Even 2ml was an accomplishment!
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| Syringes used to collect colostrum |
Now, the milk comes so generously it has become a bane requiring breast pads lest they shoot an unwitting passerby with Nehspray.
The speed at which hormones work amazes me no end. Just the sound of Gaby's cry near feeding time sends my nehs leaking. The right one is particularly troublesome, and even shoots a fine spray. I would say its current projectile range is around 10cm. Even without Gaby's cry, should she oversleep, the nehs would start tingling, granting me some grace time to get my tissue and pads in position, before the shooting begins.
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| My bosom buddies -- breast pads |
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| Gaby with Nehspray on her cheek |
I am almost certain that Nature had engorged breasts planned for a reason. The infant's suck is akin to a snake's venom. It is both the poison that causes the pain, and the antidote to relieve it. This is probably Nature's cruel but necessary means to secure nourishment for a helpless baby from a severely fatigued mother. As Nature has it, I only like my nehs the way I best like my fruit juices -- freshly squeezed.
All that said, breastfeeding is an arduous task. It is back breaking, sleep depriving, pain causing and hence requires a lot of determination. That is why with my new motherhood have I found a new admiration for all breastfeeding mothers. I hope Gaby's nutritious diet with antibodies that no formula milk can ever replace, and I, can last at least 6 months.
*Neh neh aka. Nehs are understood most affectionately by most Singaporeans and Malaysians as breasts in the dialect Hokkien.
